Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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