Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
