I bet he comes in French.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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