Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Found the puke drawer
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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