honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
