She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
