Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
