One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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