His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
