I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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