I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
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