Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Found the puke drawer
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
