i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
