I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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