Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
