i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
fuck your aforementioned shoe
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
