saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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