that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
