you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
