Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
