I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
