I am in a vortex of obligation.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
