Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
