she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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