Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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