I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
