Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My liver just broke up with me...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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