If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
