I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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