So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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