I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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