She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
