The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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