Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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