brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
