Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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