Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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