Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
