Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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