I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
