Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You are the jesus of drinking
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
