Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
