is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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