OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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