Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
