i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
