How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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