Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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