I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
