Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
