don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
where are my eyebrows?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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