I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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